


Gullible Idiots and Fanatics

by deluxekyluxtrashcan (rhoen)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack Crossover, Hux is so done with this shit, Kylo Ren is gullible, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 11:16:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6151906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhoen/pseuds/deluxekyluxtrashcan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An informant who turned themselves over to the First Order requests and audience with General Hux.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gullible Idiots and Fanatics

**Author's Note:**

> Blame tumblr.
> 
> Unbeta'd.
> 
> > **Do not translate or repost this fic without my permission.**. Ask if you'd like to translate it. Linking to it with a short snipped it okay though!

"The informant is demanding to speak to the officer in charge."

"Send Yossen," Hux said dismissively, his attention fixed on the star chart before him and not the tall, hulkin black figure of a man now shifting rather uncomfortably at his side.

"What?" Hux sighed, looking up irritably. He couldn't understand why Kylo Ren of all people had become involved: the informant was in the secondary interrogation room - the one with a table and relatively comfortable chairs, rather than just the interrogation chair - as he had come on board voluntarily and seemed willing to part with information. Hux had delegated the task to the FN division, and considered the matter dealt with.

"He..." Ren hesitated, sounding apprehensive. "He knows who you are. He wants to speak to you."

Hux didn't let his consternation show. Surely nothing the man had to offer was important enough to warrant Hux leaving his duties.

"And you couldn't just tear the information from his mind as you are wont to do with everyone else you come into contact with?"

Ren shifted uneasily, looking very much like he'd rather not have to answer.

"He's, uh... different. It's not like that."

Hux narrowed his eyes, weighing up Ren's words. If information was there to take, surely the knight could just take it?

After another moment of weighing up the situation, Hux stood up more stiffly, annoyed at the fact he'd have to go and deal with whatever this informant wanted.

"Fine," he snapped. "This had better be worth it."

If it wasn't, he was going to come up with new, thoroughly creative ways to make life miserable for Ren, the FN division, and the man who was demanding his presence. How dare he, Hux seethed, walking briskly towards the interrogation rooms. He disliked Interrogation Room #2. It was too soft; too comfortable. It clearly gave the informant the impression that he was a guest, and could demand things of people far superior to him. Hux would have to think a redesign of the room.

As he walked towards the detention block, Hux felt Ren carefully touching the edge of his mind, apprehension readable in the contact.

"Get out my head," he snapped. Ren did. Hux was glad - he wasn't in the mood to deal with Ren too.

When he reached the room, two stormtroopers were standing guard outside, and snapped to attention. Hux paid them no mind, simply waiting for the one closest to the controls to open the door.

Hux wasn't sure what he expected. Certainly something more impressive than the underwhelming man sitting upright in one of the seats. He was unassuming, and as average as possible - the only variation from the bland mould from which he'd been cast was the glasses he wore, his sideburns, and the thick moustache inhabiting his upper lip. Even his clothes were offensively bland and middle-aged. The man had a mug of caf - provided by a 'trooper who would need a severe reprimand - clasped between his hands, and looked up at Hux with an infuriatingly optimistic smile as he entered.

"Howdy!"

Hux stopped dead in his tracks, his face twisting in distaste. He'd been summoned for this? Contempt rolled off of him in waves, but if the man noticed he didn't show it. He kept on smiling up at Hux, exhibiting the kind of endless optimism that made Hux want to burn things.

"Uh, Ned, he, uh, wanted to talk to you," Ren said uselessly from somewhere just behind Hux. Hux's gaze swept contemptuously over the seated man once more, confirming what he was, before he turned.

"Jettison him from the nearest airlock."

"Now, just hold on a diddly darn minute!" the man called out. It incensed Hux, and he stiffened at the familiar way he was being addressed. "I have something important to say!"

Hux did nothing to further acknowledge the man, and turned to the 'trooper who had followed them into the room.

"Do it. Immediately."

"I bring the Lord's word!"

Hux walked out the room, bristling with anger. He heard Ren traipsing after him, and just dared the man to say something.

"He just wanted to talk to you!" Ren said, managing to sound like a pathetic, hurt child. Hux rounded on him, turning abruptly and snarling at the knight.

"You imbecile. You listened to him?"

"He, uh... had some good points."

Unbelievable, Hux thought darkly, cursing Ren, cursing mythical Lords and their Words, and cursing the incompetent staff who hadn't dealt with the annoyance as they should. He couldn't believe that even here, on his own kriffing Star Destroyer, he couldn't be free of door-to-door salesmen and religious fanatics. As if he didn't have enough to contend with in Ren.

"He had idiotic points, which he sells to idiots, because they're stupid to believe the insanity he spouts."

"He believes it," Ren said a little defensively.

"That doesn't mean it's true! Some people believe that ground noroxus horn increases virility."

"It does."

Hux turned away with a noise of frustration, unable to believe the sheer idiocy of those around him.

"It does!" Ren insisted, unable to leave Hux alone. Hux simply kept walking, hoping the annoyance would go away. He had far more important things to do than deal with gullible idiots and fanatics.

"And if you mix it with ra-"

"Shut up."

Hux hadn't meant to stop again, but he ended up turning sharply towards Kylo, needing the man to obey. If he didn't, Hux was liable to do the man a grievous injury, skewed combat abilities be damned.

"Don't you dare say another word, or I will not allow you within twenty feet of me for the rest of your natural, hopefully short, life."

Ren had the decency to hang back, seemingly taking Hux seriously.

"Even...?"

"Yes," Hux snapped, not giving a damn about their unofficial relationship. He'd use it as a threat against Ren if he had to.

"You know, he said it was a sin to lie with another outside of wedlock."

Hux seethed, feeling his cheeks colour at the rage rising within him. He desperately needed to smash something - ideally someone's skull.

He knew such a fit would be unbecoming, though, and with one of the most impressive shows of self restraint he'd ever exhibited, Hux let out a growl of frustration, and turned and walked away again, this time stopping for nothing. He heard Ren follow him, calling his name, but he didn't react. Let the idiotic little shit believe the lies for a while, he told himself, and then see how strongly he believed them in a week or so's time when he was frustrated and aching for what only Hux could give him.

It wasn't quite the same as smashing something, but when a small message droid crossed his path, Hux kicked it angrily, ignoring it's protesting bleeps as it was spun off-course. It was undamaged, though, and resumed its duty, albeit a little skittishly. Fine, Hux decided, caring only that it did its job. Why couldn't his stormtroopers do theirs? He'd have to send them all for reconditioning, programming them to spot religious salesmen on sight, and treat them accordingly.

And as for Ren... Hux would have to work on something to beat the idiotic gullibility out of the man's skull before he drove Hux insane. Giving him blue balls seemed like a good enough place to start. Sin indeed. Hux scoffed at the idea, thoroughly incensed. There was no such thing. But if Ren wanted to believe it, he could go right ahead. It would just give Hux power over him when Ren changed his mind and came begging for attention, sorry for his temporary trip even further into insanity.

Hux was going to enjoy the apology immensely.


End file.
